I am a contradiction; after all I am human, well mostly, apart from the cat bit. And by cat bit I actually mean bit, small portion, the bit that has the nose, whiskers, eyes and mouth. So it’s the face bit.
Sometimes the mouth gets me, it is not that I can actually taste the cat food but… The thought of it! After all the body is human, the body is mine, and my poor little mind can be a bit squeamish, about wet cat food and what is actually in in.
After all I’m a vegetarian, and anti any form of violence against animals, hence that is why the cat face is still alive and well.
It took a long time to accept it though, the cat face. I woke up one morning and there she was, or wasn’t, depending on how you looked at it. My usual morning routine was to wake up via the face bump, which generally meant, cat on chest, purring loudly, if the noise didn’t get me the lack of usable lung space was sure to. Finally, followed by cat positioning her cranium forward and vigorously bashing it into the side of my face, to her this was just ‘Showing The Love”, in order for breakfast to happen.
But, on this particular morning, no cat on chest, no purring, no face bump! My expectation of this usual routine, and my ability to sleep though it was broken and I woke up with a start.
Puss, Puss… where are you? I know stupid name for a cat and believe me when she is
embedded in your face its even stupider. I jumped out of bed, PUSS? Then I thought I’ll go to the bathroom, she can’t resist following, after all any opportunity to open the door while I’m on the toilet is just too strong for her to stay away from. But no!
No door opened, deep in thought I washed my hands, before looking into the bathroom mirror, and there she was, PUSS WAS IN MY FACE! Just below my right eye and to the right of my nose, I shrieked, she meowed really loudly, I felt a strange urge to scratch myself, before I passed out of the bathroom floor.
I woke up five days later… Ravenous, dazed and forgetful. Right up until the second of the Meow, and every thing came flooding back.
But funnily enough, what at first seemed shocking now seemed NORMAL, yes normal, I almost couldn’t understand what I was thinking or why I was thinking it.
Somewhere during the five days of sleep, I had grown accustomed to my new Cat Face status, even had grown to like it, maybe love it.
After all who else had a cat in their face, no-one!
Mind you though it did actually transpire that I hadn’t actually slept for five days, but had disappeared for five years, me and the cat living off grid, becoming one.
But I was completely unaware of this when I apparently woke up. The first thing I did was call my mum, when she answered the phone and heard my voice, there was just silence. I blabbed for at least a minute and a half to the silence before I heard the bang.
Are you ok?
Yes, John? My brother sounded shocked.
Look I know it’s been a couple of days.
Days? Mags it’s been years, five to be exact, you just disappeared.
And then more silence.
Well Fuck this is awkward, I thought to myself, and they didn’t know the cat bit yet…
Bloody hell, where had I actually been? I remember collapsing, well in the sort of way, that you think you do, or just in the way you assume you should.
I hung up the phone!
I had to, five years. It couldn’t have been? How could I still have this apartment?
For a split second, I was afraid, like a stray cat, hunched over in attack mode in a strange environment. But it wasn’t strange, everything was exactly as I had left it the morning I woke up with cat.
Cat yawned in my face: Are we ready? I could hear and understand the meow.
Ready for what? I definitely meowed back, yes it was a meow.
Oh hello, cat realised, it was me, but not me. You’re back!
You know me?
Yes we know.
You hid in you for five years?
I’ll tell you a story. Cat started.
You cried for the first week, I didn’t realise you’d be so sad, I just wished we could be together all day. Not
have you leave for work. I was bored. You knew, but didn’t notice. So one night, just before sleep, I wished. I dreamed, I dreamed I was part of you and you were part of me, and in the morning in was, just as is is now. I was so happy, over joyed. You looked in the mirror, you fainted and woke, and disappeared, only sadness left, to you I was a deformity, to me I was part you.
Then suddenly there was a knock at the door. It is him cat meowed, just open it.